About Sonja
How I work
Something I care deeply about is how painful events in the past disconnect us from the people around us and from our dreams. Trauma makes us hesitant to trust people, to look inside and explore what really makes us tick – it leaves us in survival mode and disconnected from our potential.
One particularly helpful way to work in therapy is to start to notice the different aspects of ourselves – for example, there might be one part of you that wants to reach out for help and another that’s scared to go there or feels it’s better to keep things inside, unexplored. Maybe there’s one part of you that wants to be close to people, and another that thinks you always have to protect yourself around them. I look for the wisdom that each of these parts hold and help you create lasting peace treaties between parts of you that have been at war.
I’ll help you get educated about why your brain and body are reacting the way they are to trauma. I’ll help you recognize that you can be understanding towards yourself and still find ways to get things done. I’ll help you challenge yourself in meaningful ways – but do it within your capacity so you don’t freeze up and get stuck.
As for couples, I help you see how your own fears and protective mechanisms get in the way of you truly connecting with your significant other. I help you see what’s going on underneath your loved one’s baffling behaviours. I believe there is always a pattern in couples, and that each person holds some responsibility in shifting it which leads to no one feeling blamed or like they’re the only one with something to solve.
How I got here
People often ask me how I got into doing the work that I do, and I let people know that it found me. When I was working on the Downtown Eastside I had an absolutely staggering number of men tell me about their sexual abuse. In my personal life, I’d also had many men tell me about their journey coping with the aftershock of this betrayal and I started to recognize how heartbreakingly common it is, but also that there are so few places for men to go.
It then felt meant to be when I realized that I was so close to one of only two organizations in Canada that specialize in working with male survivors. I started my career at the BC Society for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse which is where I gained a lot of expertise on the topic, and I still work there today. There, I’ve spoken to a lot of men who worked with therapists who were shocked or overwhelmed by their stories. I know it can be hard to get the help you need when you’re a man who has experienced sexual trauma, and it’s important to me that you get the kind of support that you deserve.
As for couples work, it absolutely lights me up inside! There’s nothing like watching two people who have been seeing each other as the enemy really start to understand each other and reconnect.
When I’m not sitting across from clients, I absolutely love to read anything I can get my hands on. I write poetry and short stories. I’m from a small town in Manitoba and I think that has helped make me the warm, friendly, down to earth person that I am. I am someone who has done the work, and I know it’s never fully finished, but life can get a whole lot brighter.
Contact
Let me know if you have any questions about me or how to move forward!